Its been a rough time as of late
nothing to do with the holidays really,
i neither hate them or love them.

I recognize them now though...she looks forward to them so much

Its always her. I dont get to see her, or talk to her as much as I would like. But I cant be near her either. I didnt like the person I had become living in a typical neo-nazi ultra conservative red state. Thinking people usually cant.

She is ok being there now. I am learning there isnt much that genuine childlike curiosity cant overcome. Thank god for that. Thank her for something. God is definately female...no male could have made a girl like this...well nothing more than adding half the ingrediants I think of myself as a great farmer with a prize crop...but it took a chef to make such an incredible dish.

I love her. Its what I base all other definitions of love on now. Part of me wants to go back and study Philosophy again and especially the Love and Sexuality class I joked my way through and said all the right things to get 3 dates out of it. This 8 year old goddess has taught me more about love and reality than all those "free thinkers".

In the end...I hope we blossom together. I have some growing and learning still yet to do, and hopefully my time in the Navy will be worth that minor gestation period. For when I come out I am going to take that girl and show her the world. Hopefully I teach her nothing (except all about guys like I used to be) and she will take from it what she needs to be her own little person.

In the meantime...I write this for you Kylie. Please forgive me for everything and nothing. Please still love me when I get back as much as you did this morning. And if I dont come back...please know that this was all for you. Always has been and always will be.

I love you honey

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